Dealing With Loss

What is Grief and What Can I Find Support?

Grief can be understood as the process of dealing with the feelings that follow from a significant loss

Grief is a unique journey and as such, the emotions that one experiences in the aftermath of a loss vary greatly. However, it is normal to experience any or all of the following after a significant loss:

sadness, relief, anger, isolation, fear, anxiety, frustration, peace, stress, joy, longing, despair, guilt, worry, numbness

How Adults Grieve: The Four Tasks of Mourning

The work of processing loss can be best understood as series of four tasks you accomplish over time. These tasks, introduced by William Worden (2009), are not meant to be completed in a linear fashion but rather are achieved in a way that allows the person grieving to go back and forth and in between each stage as needed.

William Worden’s Tasks of Mourning:

Accepting the reality of the loss
Facing the reality that the person is dead and will not return is the first task a grieving individual needs to complete.

Working through the pain and or trauma
Our reaction to death is often painful, and we will experience a range of emotions, such as anger, guilt, fear, depression, sadness, despair, etc. Often time consuming, this task requires the mourner to acknowledge these different emotions and face the pain, rather than suppressing or avoiding it.

Adjusting to the new environment in which the deceased is missing
This task often involves adopting a role or function(s) that the deceased once performed, and will vary based on the nature of the relationship. For example, if someone’s spouse or partner dies, this task might involve the survivor handling household finances moving forward, raising a child alone, finding a job or returning to a career, etc.

Establishing a connection with the deceased while living your life without them
This task is not about forgetting the deceased, rather, the goal is to re-define your new life without them while figuring out a way to continue to honor your connection to the deceased.

Adapted from: GRIEF COUNSELING AND GRIEF THERAPY by J. William Worden, Ph.D , 2009

If it is a Child Who is Mourning

Similar to adults, children experience a wide range of emotions when mourning the lost of someone special. Grieving in chunks, children may be sad one minute and happy and playful the next

How can you support a grieving child:

• Let them know you are here for them
• Give them lots of opportunities to talk about it
• Don’t be afraid to use the words death and dying
• Make sure to debrief with them after important events like funerals or anniversaries
• Listen for and respond to the four C’s with honesty, watch for their reactions and address their feelings in the moment

Keep in mind that children are concerned with the four C’s around death and dying:

• Did I cause it?
• Can I catch it?
• Can I cure it?
• Who will take care of me?

Listen for and respond to the four C’s with honesty, watch for their reactions and address their feelings in the moment. Get them any additional support they need.